Finding Peace and Serenity In My Life

November 13, 2012 by Stefanie

When I walked into Project Turnabout I felt lost and had so much fear.  I was at the point of not knowing if today or tomorrow would be the day that I would end my life.  I had tried two times in the three weeks before I came to treatment to end my life.  I found, with a lot of help from the staff, that I was not a bad person.  I started to let go of the past and the harms that were done to me and the harms I did to others.  I accepted, for the first time in my life, that it was not all about me.  I found I could start talking about my issues and it felt good.

Others at Project Turnabout had some of the same issues as I did.  I was not alone.  I started to see the most valuable thing I had lost was the time with family and friends – not the money.  I had to listen to my daughters and the hurt I had caused them.  I saw, in my wife’s face, the hurt I had caused her over 30 plus years of living the way I did.  But I also heard from them the love they had for me.  It was and still is the start of my road of living in recovery. 

I found I felt safe at Project Turnabout.  The staff that worked there wanted to help and listen.  They did and could understand and put up with me.  They did not make me feel that they were more special than I was.  It was the start of understanding the steps and working and living them.  It has been over eight years since I was there.  I still have my coffee cup with my name on it and use it almost every day – just like the things I use every day that I learned when I was in treatment.  

I learned how to deal with my issues, to accept who I am, and to move forward in life.  It was the start of a new way to see things and live.  I started to find peace and serenity in my life and wanted more.  I was able to walk out of Project Turnabout and face the damage I had done in my life.  I was able to start making amends.  IT WAS THE START OF ME JUST BEING HAPPY WITH MYSELF AND WHO I WAS AND AM. I was told that there was no problem to small or big that the Serenity Prayer could not handle.  I have found that to be very true.  

The time I spent at Project Turnabout has helped me and my family.  Today, I make sure I tell my bride everything and anything going on with me.  She says ok and then tells me to call someone or go to a meeting.  She knows she cannot understand some of my thinking and knows others in the program will help be able get my head on right.  I’d like to say “thank you” to all the staff at Project Turnabout for everything they did for me and my family, including help with scholarship support for treatment and for having the understanding and caring to reach out and help others.

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